So there I was watching my two eight year old sons skim boarding at the beach…over and over…how hard can it be ?? The picture is Chris executing a 180 turn perfectly.
Skim boarding done right!
The process is easy, pick up the board, wait for a little water at the end of the wave’s journey ashore, throw the board, run after it, hop on, balance yourself and ride it for a short distance. I can do that. Bad thought, evil thought, why do I listen to these voices in my head?
So I announce to my stunned kids that I’m going to do it too. They hand over the board, stand WAY back and start looking for my life insurance and a cell phone to call the ambulance. I wait for my wave, the perfect wave, it rushed ashore, white foam, the perfect depth of water for skimming…I can do this.
I throw the board just like they did, I run behind it just like they did, I jump gracefully on to it just like they did and as the water recedes and 200 pounds of gracefulness decends on the board it hits nothing but sand. What? Where did the nice foamy water go? The board stops…dead, I unfortunately do not and grace has a new definition as I sail through the air, landing on my knee and somersaulting over onto my butt.
There is no applause for a job well done, no invitation to the Olympic skim boarding team, just the howling of laughter from the boys who are now on the sand unable to stand up, doubled over in pain from laughing so hard. The board is stuck to the sand, mocking me and I am in pain…the ABC Sports Agony of Defeat theme song playing in my head.
I pick up the board, hand it back to those who should be playing with it and slowly walk…ow…back…ow…to…ow…my…ow…beach chair. The kids now run up and tell my lovely, caring, beautiful wife what happened and her sage words of love…”I’m sorry I missed it”.
Ahh…in the words of Clint Eastwood, “A man’s got to know his limitations” Apparently one of mine is skim boarding.
Bob can be reached at bob@holdsworth.com
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